Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
