no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
