So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i think i just lost a toe
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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