I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
