ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize