My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm really busy with my period
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