Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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