I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
