Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
