your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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