You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
