there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
