I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
