for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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