Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
