yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he was CRYING into my vagina
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
