3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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