Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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