Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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