I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
