i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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