we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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