I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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