You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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