Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
