Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
