hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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