new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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