would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
