my mouth tastes like poor choices
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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