I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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