i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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