I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
