i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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