I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
