i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
