The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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