No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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