i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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