It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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