i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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