can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
