My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
