girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize