I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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