I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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