I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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