I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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