return my video game
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
