I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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