I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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