look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
