If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
