What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
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