he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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