may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize