So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
