How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
