im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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