My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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