We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
