My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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