Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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