i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My cat gives me a boner
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
