I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
