Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
