Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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