Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
