OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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