STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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