Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
