Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
