Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
